That spring in the knees, quick ascent from crouch
to standing, I crave it, I ache to elevate
without a hand on the wall or the
need to roll on all fours first – mortified
by Time.
I used to leap from boulder to boulder,
a mountain goat, able to avoid
the packed snow beneath. Now I slog up
and down, feet sodden, violating
the family aging rule – no vieja noises!
demoralized by one granite rock,
then the next.
My middle-aged son glances, wonders
if he should offer his hand, knows I
would bite it off before I use it.
He sighs, resigned to the pace I swore
never to set.
“Go on ahead,” I say, knees aching.
“No, I mean it.” (when I really don’t)
He bounds on ahead. Left alone, I
hear my body, erratic rhythm,
besieged. In solitude I ponder,
what is worse – humiliation or
loneliness? Or could it be remorse?
Anguish that I am reduced to this,
a clumsy, lumbering shadow of
that young girl who didn’t seize the time
to bound and soar when she was able.
Just Carrie 
Fifth attempt to post:
Oh I feel this! ( in my bones, in my muscles, in my lungs, but mostly in the salty moisture accumulating in my eyes
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Instead that young mountain goat spent a quarter of a century instructing herd after herd of young goats to think, to write, to soar. Those old knees may not appreciate this, but those young goats, some middle aged now do. Perhaps someone can remind those knees of this.
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What a lovely response, Rob. Thanks!
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this is why you two have been together for a lifetime!
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Great writing!
So many of us can relate. But don’t give up! I’ve been through knee problems and now hip impingement problems and with the help of our local PT magician, Matt Kraemer am putting them behind me.
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I’m not giving up but ouch! Glad yours are better!!!
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Oh, I love this!! Right there with ya. And with recent osteoporosis diagnosis, feeling way more vulnerable, and less likely to take risks, which saddens me some. Sending so much love. Michelle Sent from my iPhone
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I never was that mountain-climbing goat-girl; running on the beach is my loss. Love this line: “…knows I / would bite it off before I use it”
Thanks, Carrie for the poem and its sentiments.
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oh, sore knees indeed, and the tears, the astonishment of slowness and achiness. thank you for being incredibly brutally beautifully honest, carrie. you probably hate any advice on remedies…i’m writing this anyway…i’ve been using shark cartilage for several years (after falling on my knees)…allows me to hike a bit, going down is still slow though it’s helped alot. if you want more info, i’ll send it…xo n
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